INTERVIEW: Begonia on new single 'Cold Night': "It’s taken me a long time to accept where I’m at in certain aspects of my life and I feel like this song is a piece of that acceptance."
Image: Calvin Lee Joseph
Canada’s Begonia (real name Alexa Dirks) is building a reputation as her country’s next breakout star. After releasing her debut album Fear in 2019 she was nominated for a JUNO Award (Canada’s Grammys) and was longlisted for The Polaris Music Prize. With a powerful, shape shifting voice that can switch from raw husky power to gentle and emotive, she truly defines what it is to be an artist who excels at every genre possible yet is confined to none. Immersing yourself in Begonia will take you on a journey through trip-hop, electronica, jazz, R&B, pop and country.
In December she released the single ‘Cold Night’, a gorgeously pared back trip-hop/electronica track that quickly winds its gossamer threads into your soul. Starting with Begonia’s voice against just her looped vocals and a sparse beat, the song gradually grows into a lush, ethereal, slightly melancholic song with swelling strings blending with electronic pop. It is a truly mesmerising song and one you will quickly want to return to.
“This song is the breakdown of a horrible life-changing relationship in three parts,” Begonia says. “Like stages of grief. Verse one is when you’re not ready to let go and just the thought of being ‘left behind’ makes you feel so desperate and detached, like you’re not even human anymore. Verse two is reflecting on the reality of the relationship itself and particular stories that come up only when it’s time to reveal the truth. The last part of the song after the strings hit is all about accepting it for what it is and moving forward. Like sitting in your despair and sadness, but also knowing that it needed to be over and that you did the right thing by walking away.”
‘Cold Night’, along with previous single ‘Right Here’, features on Begonia’s second album Powder Blue, due to be released on February 24. Covering topics such as religion, virginity, gender identity and sexuality, it sees Begonia share her most vulnerable songs yet. It will be accompanied by a short film featuring extracts of all of the album’s songs set to imagery and costumes that acted as her references during the creation of the album.
“Powder Blue is more of an emotion,” Begonia says. “It makes me think of my baby blanket, the colour of the Virgin Mary’s shawl at the church Christmas play, the airiness of clouds on a summer day, chlorine filled water in a hotel pool, Elvis in the ‘70s wearing an ill-fitting jumpsuit, the wallpaper in my room growing up, the collection of faded denim jackets in my basement. The name of this album needed to be something that encompasses all of the feelings that these songs give me when they are put together.”
An incredible talent, Begonia is absolutely everything you want and need in your new favourite pop star - an soundscape that is eclectic and varied, a killer voice, and music that remains with you long after the final beat. We recently caught up with her to find out more about her music.
Hi Begonia! Firstly, thank you for taking the time to chat with us. How is life with you right now?
Hi! Thank you for asking me questions! Appreciate you. Well, it’s the dead of winter in Winnipeg, MB where I live so it’s a bit dark haha like emotionally and also literally. BUT I’m currently excited about the future and ready to take some holiday time off and then head back on the road and get into full new album mode. The thought of getting this album out gets me through when it’s -30 and the sun goes down at 4:30pm over here.
Speaking of the cold, you have recently released a new single ‘Cold Night’, which is absolutely beautiful, moving, beguiling and a hundred other superlatives! You have said it is about the breakdown of a “horrible, life-changing relationship”, can you tell us a little bit more about the inspiration behind the song?
Thank you so much. I guess it’s a song about acceptance and letting go. You can’t really get to those places until you really feel your feelings and walk through what got you there in the first place. It’s taken me a long time to accept where I’m at in certain aspects of my life and I feel like this song is a piece of that acceptance.
It has this gorgeous, electronic, trip-hop, pared back soundscape which is such a shift from your last single ‘Right Here’ with it’s beat heavy, R&B-jazz sound. When you started creating ‘Cold Night’, was there a particular feel, sound or vibe that you were hoping to achieve?
At the time we wrote this song Billie Eilish’s album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? was everywhere and I had been listening to it A LOT so we thought why don’t we pull inspo from some of that production style and chop up my voice to be used as the main sample, beat and pulse of the song. [Producers] Deadmen sampled my voice in different octaves and then put it through their midi keyboard and made a beat with it that I just sat and listened to and vocally riffed over until I landed on the melody you hear now. That’s what started the first verse and then the song kind of became its own creation from there! I didn’t know exactly what the song was going to be about at first but the production created such a space and atmosphere…the words just kind of spilled out.
How long did the song take to pull together?
My main collaborative songwriting/production partners Deadmen (Matt Schellenberg and Matt Peters) started writing this song together in like late 2018 between both of our bands being on tour. We were in their old studio space above a popular club in Winnipeg, MB so while we were making it we were always competing with other bands rehearsing or outside noise which was an interesting challenge haha. We wrote half the song and then kind of put it in a “come back to this” folder for later and when we were really focusing in on this new album we opened it up and were like “AH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS!” And fell back in love with it and really dug in to finish it. What I love about working with Deadmen is that we really work hard to just serve each song we make. Like every soundscape is its own thing and each song has its own needs and things that work and things that don’t. Once we dug back into this song with all that space from it we all heard that there had to be some strings on it and Matt Peters got to work with the arrangement and it truly pulled it all together and made me realise that this was a song I had to put on the record and released as a single.
You’ve also released a beautifully atmospheric music video for ‘Cold Night’. What was it like to make?
Thank you! I made it down by a river on basically a hidden walking/bike path with director Tyler Funk and a sweet small crew. I always knew I wanted to play with light in a forest for this song and have it be more or less a “simple” one take. I took that idea to Tyler and he took it to the next level and brought in this abstract kind of alien abduction thing that I fell in love with. That’s usually how I start video treatments is by taking a small idea I have and bringing it to a director I trust and going from there.
‘Cold Night’ is lifted from your second album Powder Blue which will be out in February. What can you tell us about the album?
I feel like this album really was a calm in a lot of chaos for me. Most of it was written or half written during pandemic lockdowns and I feel like that gave it a very specific point of view. Like one of maybe a bit more self reflection and existentialism haha. I’m exploring topics that I haven’t totally done a lot in my work to date - my time in the church growing up, my sexuality, actual happy love haha. I feel like my debut album felt a bit more frantic in every way just based on where I was at in life and my career and this one just feels a bit more confident and a bit more settled, even though it was made during probably one of the more frantic times of my life with the pandemic looming in every corner…I somehow felt a lot of calm making this album. I’m really really looking forward to sharing it but also feel super vulnerable about it haha!
For those that may be new to your music, where does the story of Begonia the artist begin? What was your journey to get to where you are now?
I’ve been touring and playing in bands for about 15 years now. I’ve been writing songs for just as long if not longer and all the songs that never fit with any of the bands I was in would always just go in a box somewhere, sometimes never to be seen or heard again. I always had a solo career in the back of my mind but never really thought it would come to fruition until the main band I was in for 8 years broke up. I was at this serious cross roads, in my mid twenties thinking “I’m not ready to take a break so what do I do now?” I had never fully been on my own like that musically speaking. I live and have lived for collaboration and being in a band was always so comfortable for me. I had been working on the side with Matt Schellenberg for years already on random songs for him and then some for me just for fun. We played a few hometown shows and every time he really encouraged me to take the leap and make a project of my own. So I took what little money I had at the time and cut deals with all my pals and made the cheapest 5 song EP from whatever songs I felt were the best that I had at the time. Didn’t even know what my artist name was going to be or if I was going to bring this to a band or just finally break out as a solo artist, I just knew that if I slowed down it would be just as hard to start up again so I just barrelled forward. As time when on and I really sat with the songs it was clear that this was a solo project and I slowly started to accumulate the confidence to push it forward. My first EP Lady In Mind came out in 2017 and I haven’t really looked back since.
Who are the artists that you love and inspire you, both when you were growing up and today?
Growing up, when I would stray from christian music, it was mostly pop (Mariah Carey, Destiny’s Child, Ace of Base, Spice Girls) or the music my dad would listen to like The Beatles, Three Dog Night etc. Neither of my parents are particularly musical but they are for sure big time music lovers and there was always music playing in the house. Then as a teen I discovered Fiona Apple, Joni Mitchell, Erykah Badu, Radiohead, Paul Simon, D’angelo, Gillian Welch, Stevie Wonder…that’s the kind of music that really made me listen differently and I became obsessed. Now I’m still into a lot of the music that made me as a teen but also currently I’m really into Steve Lacy, Big Thief, SZA, Cleo Sol, SAULT, James Blake, Caroline Polachek, Leith Ross…the list goes on!
It’s no secret that the music industry has been a difficult space for females to exist in for decades, in the main because it has been run by older, white, straight men since its inception. What are your thoughts on gender equality and sexism in the music industry, and do you think meaningful change is happening?Sometimes I’ll be scrolling through TikTok and I get both so excited by where the industry is going and then also depressed haha. I love how people can really take their careers into their own hands now more than ever before and independent artists can BLOW UP simply by being themselves rather than having to be approved by some crusty old dudes. The downside can be that hustle culture though…where you always feel like you’re not doing enough to promote yourself and the people that wear the suits that used to make or break careers are like “SELL YOURSELF and THEN we’ll believe in you” and it’s like…very toxic haha. I want to say that I feel like this new generation of artists is taking us in the right direction though. The white straight men in suits that have all the money and make some of the rules still very much exist but people are making their own way without them now which gives me hope for the future. I feel so fortunate to have a team around me that doesn’t give a fuck about what I wear, how I look, how fat I am, and how I am the boss of myself…and that’s the only way I can work honestly! I feel like I’ve been skirting around the dark side of the industry for a long time but never fully dipped my foot in because I’ve surrounded myself with REAL ass people that keep me grounded.
‘Cold Night’ is out now and you have an album and a tour coming up next year. What else is on the cards for you in 2023?
That’s the bulk of it…Powder Blue album and touring in 2023 to beyond is the most major thing on my radar right now…that and trying to maintain some sort of work/life balance HA. Before the pandemic hit I was so burnt out and I promised myself I wouldn’t let this cycle do me the way I let the last one do me. I was so concerned about how I was being perceived that it kind of ran me into the ground. I’m working really hard every day to remind myself that this is my life AND my passion and that I’m so fortunate to get to live it but that I also need and deserve rest. SO pushing hard in 2023 is inevitable and I’m so excited and ready for it but I hope to really enjoy every minute of it as much as I can. To be as grateful and present as I can. SIMPLE RIGHT?! HA
‘Cold Night’ is out now via Birthday Cake Records. You can buy and stream here.
Powder Blue will be released on February 24. You can pre-order and pre-stream here.
To keep up with all things Begonia you can follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
